Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
