Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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