Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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