guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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