Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
