Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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