So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
