discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
