Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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