Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
