Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
