She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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