I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
