Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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