My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
