pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
