whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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