he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
