I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
