He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
