Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
