sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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