I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
