today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
