why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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