what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
