My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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