There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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