so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
