An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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