hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
