The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
