he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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