I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
