...so i touched it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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