we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
