I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
