The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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