We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
