i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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