Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
