Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
