So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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