i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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