covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my sisters under your porch take her home
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
