Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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