I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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