Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jerry, you need to find god
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
