I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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