I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
