so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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