i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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