I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
