So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
