It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
